Cats who teach me to fly…

While Mel was feeding the cats at Whampoa, an indian lady approached her to help remove a cat at her corridor. Mel approached me to help as I am more familiar with handling cats.

We went to her place at 5th floor and there we saw Bluey. She was wet as the indian lady tried to shoo her with water. When I saw Bluey I was quite pleased as she is a Siamese crossbreed. At least it will be easier for me to find her a loving home.

We brought Bluey home and gave her a warm shower. I was surprised she actually enjoyed taking her shower and showed no signs of fear.

Mel dripped Frontline on her. To me she is cleaned. We put her in a 3ft cage and she never stopped meowing. And her meow sound weird to us. So I started to browse on Siamese cats. So Bluey meows like a pure breed and behaves like a pure breed too.

Bluey demands lots of attention. At first we didn’t get use to it but understand her in no time.

Bluey is such a graceful cat, at least to me.

After three days, I sent her for sterilisation. My nightmare finally haunted me. Bluey was pregnant with six foetuses. Her foetuses were removed and Bluey was sterilised. I was extremely guilty when the vet called me and told me about it. I cried myself to sleep and I promised to find her a loving home. I wouldn’t have had her sterilised if I knew she was pregnant. The vet wasn’t aware of her pregnancy before sterilising her. Bluey was skinny then and she was on her early stage of pregnancy.

Last Sunday, we brought Bluey to an adoption drive and we managed to find Bluey a home. It’s a chinese family of four. They will mesh up the windows and we will see them again this Sunday at their house. I need to see if Bluey is comfortable with her new home. If I can’t find Bluey a loving home, I would rather take care of her myself.

I hope the family would give Bluey all their love and Bluey too would do the same. I will keep praying for her and I know I am going to miss her…

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Elka seems to be lost. He walks around the house as if he was searching for Sunkiss. I have never seen him walking all over the house.

Sunkiss used to jumped all over Elka. They both chased each other around. Elka used to be aloof. Although Sunkiss beat him playfully in the beginning but they became brothers after I sent both of them together for vaccination. Both were put together in a stroller. Since then they got closer to each other and Elka began to open himself up.

Cashie is always lying down. Without Sunkiss pushing him around, he gets even lazier. Perhaps he just didn’t want to do anything without Sunkiss.

Monnie plays with herself. Behaving like Sunkiss but a little lonelier…

Mel and I always say Sunkiss and Monnie were always up to no good. Monnie is a good hunter and Sunkiss was super hyperactive and both of them got along very fast. Both of them were always sneaking around doing things that were not really bad actually. They just love to hunt for treats, hided themselves, ripped the treats into pieces and finished them all and left the mess for me to clean up. I never scold them but find all of them interesting.

Now Sunkiss is physically not around. I spend more time with them when I am at home. Not leaving them alone to play by themselves. All of them eat well. They do not worry me.

Sunkiss loved Cashie and Monnie a lot and helped Elka opened his heart. Look at how they love each other…

And Monnie with Sunkiss too…

How much I wish Sunkiss is still around… He is still around actually…

I always feed Cashie, Monnie and Sunkiss sava as a treat before I leave my house. Today I called out Sunkiss’s name, Monnie looked into the direction where Sunsun always come out. If you ask me if cats miss their playmate, the answer is yes, they do…

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Sunkiss was diagnosed with spinal arthritis. He could not walk with his hind leg on Saturday and I immediately brought him to the vet. He was eating well in the morning that day and playing well but all of a sudden, he could not walk with his hind leg. He had his X-ray. I thought it was arthritis and nothing else. What came to my mind was to get him back to walk and think of a way not to let his arthritis occur again. Never did I expect Sunkiss would leave us yesterday evening and I was not even at home.

We had Sunkiss cremated this morning. We brought his ash home and placed the urn next to Miemi’s. Immediately I developed a few of Sunkiss photos. People were saying that Sunkiss was beautiful.

This is the picture that I placed beside his urn.

I love him so much!

I am terribly upset. I miss him. I miss his love. I will always miss him sleeping close to me. He would sleep wherever I sleep. I felt so hurt just like when Miemi was gone. It doesn’t matter whether I have spent 11 years or only 8 months with Sunkiss. The pain is the same.

I don’t feel like doing anything. Sunkiss keeps appearing in my mind and I have never expected or prepared for his departure. I wish I could have him or I thought I could have him for another ten years or so as he seemed like a kitten to me. I was naive.

Sunkiss was a hyperactive cat. He flew all over the house. I hope Cashie, Monnie and Elka have no problem coping without Sunkiss. The house was quiet without him. It is unbearable.

I have been thinking about what is the point of doing so many things in life when we could not even keep our loved ones with us. Why is life so imperfect? There are flaws all over.

But still, deep down I know I will meet Miemi and Sunkiss and the rest of the cats again. We will be together again. I always tell all my cats to stay close to one another. We must always keep our heart close to one another. I told Mel that we would sit down fortnightly and talk to Miemi and Sunkiss. We will light up a candle. To me it is a kind of communication with them and we are keeping close to one another.

Mel was as sad as me. She left for Kuantan during the weekend and when she was back yesterday, Sunkiss was gone. Sunkiss was not gone. He is actually still around without his physical body.

Sunkiss taught me not to be afraid of death. He taught me not to care when I would die.

I asked Miemi to guide Sunkiss to heaven and also for the angels to watch over them. Miemi sent me a message last night. She turned off the fan again. I guess she was telling me that she was around and that Sunkiss was with her.

Thanks Miemi and Sunkiss. Thanks to the angels.

Mummy loves and misses Sunkiss.

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I was asking myself just now if life will be better if I were selfish? I imagined that whatever I earn, I keep it for myself. I don’t spend on others. Neither will I give my money to just anyone, even my kin or charity. No one stands on my ground, everyone stays away from my so-called property and even the void deck. I would have no pets. It is me, only myself. It is all about my own happiness, my big self. Me, I, come first. Will life be better? Perhaps…

Sometimes I am so convinced by others’ selfish actions that made me doubt my own values. People think only about their own interest and they get what they want even if it means to hurt someone or put others into danger. They are happy cos they get what they want. Happy! Yes, happy.

Perhaps, I have been selfish too… Will life be better? Will I have everything if I am selfish. Will being selfish give me peace? Perhaps… cos I care less? Care less for others or even not at all and care only about myself? No, there won’t be peace. I guess I would probably be fighting with myself and I am my own greatest enemy. My chest feels so tight when I imagine myself being selfish. I can feel dissatisfaction and ignorance and a little anger and I can’t feel happiness. I guess everyone has a different way of describing how they feel towards selfishness. For me, I felt tight in my chest.

Conclusion: Will life be better if I am selfish? My answer is no.

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