Cats who teach me to fly…

Elka seems to be lost. He walks around the house as if he was searching for Sunkiss. I have never seen him walking all over the house.

Sunkiss used to jumped all over Elka. They both chased each other around. Elka used to be aloof. Although Sunkiss beat him playfully in the beginning but they became brothers after I sent both of them together for vaccination. Both were put together in a stroller. Since then they got closer to each other and Elka began to open himself up.

Cashie is always lying down. Without Sunkiss pushing him around, he gets even lazier. Perhaps he just didn’t want to do anything without Sunkiss.

Monnie plays with herself. Behaving like Sunkiss but a little lonelier…

Mel and I always say Sunkiss and Monnie were always up to no good. Monnie is a good hunter and Sunkiss was super hyperactive and both of them got along very fast. Both of them were always sneaking around doing things that were not really bad actually. They just love to hunt for treats, hided themselves, ripped the treats into pieces and finished them all and left the mess for me to clean up. I never scold them but find all of them interesting.

Now Sunkiss is physically not around. I spend more time with them when I am at home. Not leaving them alone to play by themselves. All of them eat well. They do not worry me.

Sunkiss loved Cashie and Monnie a lot and helped Elka opened his heart. Look at how they love each other…

And Monnie with Sunkiss too…

How much I wish Sunkiss is still around… He is still around actually…

I always feed Cashie, Monnie and Sunkiss sava as a treat before I leave my house. Today I called out Sunkiss’s name, Monnie looked into the direction where Sunsun always come out. If you ask me if cats miss their playmate, the answer is yes, they do…

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Sunkiss was diagnosed with spinal arthritis. He could not walk with his hind leg on Saturday and I immediately brought him to the vet. He was eating well in the morning that day and playing well but all of a sudden, he could not walk with his hind leg. He had his X-ray. I thought it was arthritis and nothing else. What came to my mind was to get him back to walk and think of a way not to let his arthritis occur again. Never did I expect Sunkiss would leave us yesterday evening and I was not even at home.

We had Sunkiss cremated this morning. We brought his ash home and placed the urn next to Miemi’s. Immediately I developed a few of Sunkiss photos. People were saying that Sunkiss was beautiful.

This is the picture that I placed beside his urn.

I love him so much!

I am terribly upset. I miss him. I miss his love. I will always miss him sleeping close to me. He would sleep wherever I sleep. I felt so hurt just like when Miemi was gone. It doesn’t matter whether I have spent 11 years or only 8 months with Sunkiss. The pain is the same.

I don’t feel like doing anything. Sunkiss keeps appearing in my mind and I have never expected or prepared for his departure. I wish I could have him or I thought I could have him for another ten years or so as he seemed like a kitten to me. I was naive.

Sunkiss was a hyperactive cat. He flew all over the house. I hope Cashie, Monnie and Elka have no problem coping without Sunkiss. The house was quiet without him. It is unbearable.

I have been thinking about what is the point of doing so many things in life when we could not even keep our loved ones with us. Why is life so imperfect? There are flaws all over.

But still, deep down I know I will meet Miemi and Sunkiss and the rest of the cats again. We will be together again. I always tell all my cats to stay close to one another. We must always keep our heart close to one another. I told Mel that we would sit down fortnightly and talk to Miemi and Sunkiss. We will light up a candle. To me it is a kind of communication with them and we are keeping close to one another.

Mel was as sad as me. She left for Kuantan during the weekend and when she was back yesterday, Sunkiss was gone. Sunkiss was not gone. He is actually still around without his physical body.

Sunkiss taught me not to be afraid of death. He taught me not to care when I would die.

I asked Miemi to guide Sunkiss to heaven and also for the angels to watch over them. Miemi sent me a message last night. She turned off the fan again. I guess she was telling me that she was around and that Sunkiss was with her.

Thanks Miemi and Sunkiss. Thanks to the angels.

Mummy loves and misses Sunkiss.

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I was asking myself just now if life will be better if I were selfish? I imagined that whatever I earn, I keep it for myself. I don’t spend on others. Neither will I give my money to just anyone, even my kin or charity. No one stands on my ground, everyone stays away from my so-called property and even the void deck. I would have no pets. It is me, only myself. It is all about my own happiness, my big self. Me, I, come first. Will life be better? Perhaps…

Sometimes I am so convinced by others’ selfish actions that made me doubt my own values. People think only about their own interest and they get what they want even if it means to hurt someone or put others into danger. They are happy cos they get what they want. Happy! Yes, happy.

Perhaps, I have been selfish too… Will life be better? Will I have everything if I am selfish. Will being selfish give me peace? Perhaps… cos I care less? Care less for others or even not at all and care only about myself? No, there won’t be peace. I guess I would probably be fighting with myself and I am my own greatest enemy. My chest feels so tight when I imagine myself being selfish. I can feel dissatisfaction and ignorance and a little anger and I can’t feel happiness. I guess everyone has a different way of describing how they feel towards selfishness. For me, I felt tight in my chest.

Conclusion: Will life be better if I am selfish? My answer is no.

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Yes, it is already May 2014, how time flies… I just switched my TV channel to HBO family and it is showing “Dead Mother’s Club”. Well, the show is coming to an end. So the lady in the tv was saying that her mum died at the age of 39…and she said her mum and herself have separate lives, they are both separate person with separate fate, separate character, everything is separated…. Sometimes, I do wonder if I have the same fate as my mum as my mum died at the age of 43 and I am nearing 43… I guess what the lady in the tv said was correct. My mum and I have separate fate, we are separate person with separate character, separate personality, separate body, separate mind and etc. I may die today, I may die tomorrow, I may die any time… No matter what, her fate is not mine and mine is not others… Living at the moment is all I cherish…

I spent an hour in Hougang, the cats sat near me. Bluz and Princess followed wherever I walked. Bluz has put on so much weight. I remembered he was a very skinny boy when I first saw him and I am happy that he has gained back his health and put on weight.

He is a sweet handsome boy.

Little princess is adorable too and she loves to take supplement.

An old folk in Hougang promised not to harass me if I move to the corner to feed the cats. The old folk did not keep her word and asked someone to harass me again. I was terribly upset… Mel told me to ignore whoever approach me. She is right. I should ignore anyone and everyone who harass me and stay calm and be happy with the cats. Silly of me to get so agitated.

I switched to Fox Movie and it is showing “Scaring Movie 5” which is funny and silly ha… Fox Movie is so much entertaining than HBO.

It’s time to cook for Elka. He didn’t eat much but he put on weight. Guess the reason he put on weight is he sleeps too much…

I adore him!:)

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