Cats who teach me to fly…

The police called and wanted to take a statement from me because I was the last person that Chanel texted. I was expecting this.

I went back to how we got to know each other till Chanel left. Guilt was all over me again. I should have done this and that…and if only… Finally, I had to recall the messages we sent to each other. No, I didn’t delete our conversation. Part of me still wanted to hold on to her.

In the evening, we met her youngest son but something was missing… Chanel! Her son grew a little taller. Both of her sons didn’t seem to be affected much which I would say that it is not entirely bad.

After giving a statement to the police and seeing her son once again, I felt relieved. I felt that I should let go. It is time to delete our conversation. It’s time to say goodbye to Chanel. It’s time to put everything down and move on…

I am glad that the police came. He helped me actually.

Alright Chanel! It’s time to say goodbye. Till we meet again!

That’s that!

Russell was a feral cat. Like any other cats, he had all the fear in his eyes. These cats are not evil or bad cats. They are just scared. Days after days, weeks after weeks and months after months, Russell finally trusted me. A sweet boy he was.

He was skinny when we brought him back. In order to win him, I gave him all he wanted to eat. That’s the little love I can give. But I am always greedy. Three years of caring for him or any cats is never enough for me.

A tough life he had when he was a stray. Always hungry… but not for long.

Another paw prints always living in my heart.

Not sure if I am getting mature or wiser… Hmm…not so wise I guess as it took me years to understand how can someone write a book about emptiness without realising emptiness themselves. It’s the same as writing a book about dealing with anger when the writer gets angry easily and frequently. This is something so easy and yet I did not see it.

Many teaches the Bodhisattva path but did they really practise? The definition of Bodhisattva (in Mahayana Buddhism) is a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so through compassion for suffering beings. Really? Many to me seems to be eager to get out of samsara. Did they really walk the path while preaching the Shantideva’s Bodhisattva way of life? Would the preachers offer me their right cheek after slapping them on the left?

If the Bodhisattva vows are meant to be practised when we are in the Pure Land, why bother to make vows? Do we really get what we want in the Pure Land? A Lamborghini? If the vows are not practise in samsara, why the teachings?

Forget about the title Bodhisattva. I am dropping it. Dropping the idea of practising in a Bodhisattva way. Instead, I would love the ordinary way. I would love to practise the Ten Parimitas taught by the Buddha. Not from Shantideva or any chinese philosophers but from the fully enlightened Buddha. The Noble Eightfold Path. Keeping the five precepts. Meditation. Learning and practising the fundamental of the Buddha’s teachings. I shouldn’t be looking elsewhere. What took me soooo long to see this? I had been a fool! The truth is I have no one to blame but myself. That’s not all bad! At least, part of me has been awakened. It’s a blessing!

I felt so much at ease and realistic after turning round and round. It’s still a long way. The storm had passed. The destination is optimistic. Its time to look the direction of the sun!