Cats who teach me to fly…

It just happened so quickly and I always feel that I have never done enough…

Dahlia(Feb 2016 – 2 Feb 2021)

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I remember pretty well that I saw Dahlia and the rest on 14 Feb 16. It was valentines day and I was rushing to get flowers and there I saw a heavily pregnant black Dahlia. She made me infamous in Storm. However, Dahlia and four tiny Dahlias were safe! 2 adopted and 2 with us.

Soha(July 18 – 27 Feb 21)

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Soha was so tiny when we brought her back. She was hiding under the wheels. It was unsafe and we decided to bring her home. She was such lovely girl and always wanted to be pet. She loves bread. She will always have my shares and we often eat together.

Snowy (5 Aug 2015 – 26 Mar 2021)

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I remember she went missing for a couple of months before she was left as a stray again.

And one day, she went missing for 3 days and appeared one evening in an unusual location. I thought to myself, she could have walked back to where she always been. Hmm…something must have gone wrong with her legs… True indeed! Her front leg was broken. We brought her home, sent her to the vet and that was late August 2017 and she became our angel.

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We cremated her yesterday and I requested to look at her remainings.

The metal was attached to Snowy’s broken leg. It was still broken and it was the metal that helped Snowy to walk again.

I don’t know what virus is out there killing them but I do hope it ends right now!

Many rescuers like me always feel that we never do enough for our rescues. I hope Mel and I have given all of them enough food, water, space and toys. They always have more… more than we give to ourselves.

Still…I would like to apologise to them for not protecting them and to prevent such virus from arising

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Burry was an expensive rescue. We often call her 15k missy.

Burry was a stray then. Every evening she would wait for us to bring her food and most of the time, she pretended to eat. Her pretense told me that she appreciated our presence and the food we brought for them.

One day, we found Burry not eating, we decided to send her to the vet and we gave her a home.

We are not sure how old was Burry. She seemed to have health issues and was in and out of the hospitals. That’s why we called her 15k missy. Despite being in and out of the hospitals, Burry did live a quality life. She was an extremely brave girl. She fought and fought. We love her so much.

This was Burry with Hope. It was taken on 2018 Christmas party. Burry had everything she needed and Mel loved her so much.

Burry, Sunshine, Cello, Specky and every of them… I have never once forgotten them…

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To me, it was a sudden death.

Specky was rescued from a school. The school intended to trap the cats around the area and Specky was the last cat that we trapped and was the toughest to trap. We had to engage a trapper.

Specky was with us since Jan 2019.

I sent her to the vet 2 days ago. She was diagnosed with jaundice. Vet took an xray and ran a blood test for her. Her liver wasn’t doing well and vet suspected she may have asthma. She had to be hospitalized and I was told by the vet that Specky would have to stay for a couple of days and see how the antibiotics work on her liver before we proceed to do an ultrasound. I agreed. And the next morning, bad news came it. It was unbelievable. I broke down… I was overwhelmed with guilt and regrets. I should have this and I should have that…

Specky was a feral cat. She was always hissing at me. Until one day she was convinced by me that I am here to love her and not harm her. She started to rub her head against me and waited for me every morning to pet her.

I didn’t see her face on Wednesday morning and I panicked. True indeed, she was ill and if only I had noticed earlier…

I missed Specky so much. After she died, blood flew from her nose and eyes. I didn’t like that and I believe she was given an incorrect treatment.

I called the clinic and told the nurse about it and would like them to be aware of the treatment given to Specky so as to avoid future mistakes. I also asked the vet to quietly and sincerely apologise to Specky. Even though I knew they wouldn’t.

All looked positive on the day I brought her to the clinic and negative when I picked her up. I was told by the vet that I sent her too late and Specky had lungs issue this and that. I didn’t argue. I didn’t want to and found it pointless.

Specky didn’t lose weight. Her fur and coat was perfect. At most, she was only 3-years-old.

Getting angry or blaming anyone wouldn’t do any good. What happened to Specky was unexpected. I will have to be more alert with the rest of my cats. Hoping it will not happen again.

Speck has a daughter. She is Tara.

Tara still doesn’t allow me to go near and she is still hissing at me. I will do what I did to Specky by showing that I love and care for her. Hopefully, she would become her mother, open her heart and love others.

To help Specky open her heart to love is the most valuable thing I can give her and I hope she will continue to love in her next life.

Whenever I see a black cat, that’s Specky and every Specky I see, I see a Miemi.

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Sometimes when worry becomes too much, we probably wouldn’t want to think and worry about it anymore. Same goes to sadness. We just didn’t want that feeling anymore. We simply drop it! And I think that’s the best way to let go.

When too much of unhappiness happens throughout our life, it forces us to accept reality and we probably have forgotten what unhappiness is. We move forward without much complaint.

What about anger? Is anger the same as unhappiness? It is never easy to deal with anger.

When I was young, my anger took charge of me. I blew up without having a second thought and I blew up every time. And my family often said that I was horrible. However, it got better over the years. At least I didn’t get angry all the time. Even when I am angry, I would think before I make the next move. My family noticed the changes and our relationship got better.

Happiness? I bought a high end desktop 3 days ago and left it unopen. This would not have happened during my younger days. I am glad that I had a new desktop.

Do our desire get less as we get older? Do we tend to let go of things as we get older as well? Or was it the influence of Dharma? I am really not sure. What I know is, I am tired of pain, sorrow and worry. The afflictions. Happiness doesn’t seem to affect me these days.

However, the determination of helping the animals did not fade or die away. The feeling of empathy and compassion towards others remain.

This boy had glue on half of his body. It was already late at night, Mel and I brought him home to wash and clean him up. We didn’t want to leave him out there to invite more complications. I did not get all the glue out but was half done. I was tired and he looked good! I will clean the next half the next day.

And the mind of alleviating others’ suffering remains…

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The minute I stepped into Rainbow Paradise, the place where Cello was cremated, I was startled at the cat on TV. He looked 100% familiar and it took me two seconds to recognise Cello. I was pleased with what Rainbow Paradise was doing and it brought me a lot of comfort. That’s the only photo I have.

I didn’t expect Cello to have a long life when I rescued him around 3 to 4 weeks ago, however, I do hope that I can give him some material comfort… I guess I did not. The Royal Canin Kidney kibbles did not arrive, so did the cushion which I planned to get for him. But I am glad that I let him out of the cage to let him blend in with the rest of the cats. He walked around with curiosity and I was there to protect and make way for him. I changed his pee pad and cardboard when they were wet and dirty. Replaced food that he did not want to eat and sometimes, I did not give him the food that he asked for as I was concerned of his kidney condition but most of the time he had what he wanted.

Cello was a good boy. He ate his food without letting me worried. His appetite was good. Mel did subcut for him and he hardly struggle. What’s the point of saying I wish I had more time with him. There is no way that we can change anything but to accept it…

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