Cats who teach me to fly…

I had been feeding Koufu at Sembawang shortly after I moved in. He was a feral cat. He didn’t allow anyone to get close to him and I am the lucky one. He allowed me to pet him. He was always in a kneading action when he saw me. I knew he loves small canned fussie cat wet food and everytime when I see him, I would give him. He always finished it. 

This is Koufu. I have accidentally deleted all my photos in my hand phone and this is the only photo I have. 

On the 16 Jan this year, a feeder told me that he was knocked down by a car and he was gone in less than 20 minutes. There were 2 feeders feeding him and both of them cried. At least Koufu had 2 aunties who love him. No, I didn’t cry. It hurts though but I didn’t shed a tear cos I always give my best to each of my community cat, knowing that anything could happen anytime. No matter how tired I am at the end of the day or how busy I am, I never fail to walk just a little bit more to give food to the cats. 

Koufu was buried by the feeder who witnessed the accident. Koufu is a lucky boy. He was loved by 3 aunties and got buried. I think he had a beautiful closing.

On the 7 Jan this year, I brought a heavily pregnant cat home. Everyday when I was feeding her at Hougang, I prayed that she and her kittens would be safe and that the kittens would grow up healthily with her mummy. However, as her stomach grew bigger each and everyday, I find it hard to bear. I tried to trap her even before she was pregnant but I couldn’t. Until I couldn’t give her my prayers and blessing anymore I decided to bring her home.

5 kittens were born on 9 Jan.

五福临门!

I hope I do give these lives a chance to live…

When I was a teenager, my classmates asked me what is the meaning of life. I told them I don’t know. 

When I reached my twenties, my colleagues asked me the same question. I told them life is about traveling around the world and enjoy ourselves. 

And in my thirties, the same question came up again. And I told the person who asked me, life is about helping others. 

Today, I asked myself what is the meaning of life? The meaning of life is to liberate myself and other living beings…

And if I am able to live up to fifties, I hope my answer to the same question would be…to liberate all sentient beings…

The clock just struck 12 midnight and it’s 2017. It has been a long day for me on the last day of 2016. Before I sat down to write again, I made an offering to the three jewels.

I love light offerings cos they look calm. Oh… verses 11 from the 41 Prayers to Cultivate Bodhicitta “May all beings cause the fire of wisdom to blaze”. I always say “May I and all sentient beings…” instead of “May all beings…” cos I think the cultivation of Bodhicitta is equally important to me and others…

I managed to squeeze in half an hour to sing a birthday song for Cashie and Monnie and they are 4-years-old!

They were actually eating ciao ciao (treat) when taking pictures.

What were the downs in 2016?

Joy was adopted in Jan 2016 and abandoned on the streets again. According to her adopter, he said he left her for a few months before I brought her home. Few months???

Joy, and she is really a joy. An extremely manja cat. We are still finding a home for her. Meantime, she is well taken care of.

Next was the kittens that were bailed out from AVA and rescued from the nursery. Out of 15 kittens, 8 survived.

Lastly, 3 community cats went missing and 1 passed on. And Blessed the dog passed on….

And the ups are,

Out of the remaining 8 survival kittens, 4 were adopted. Pearl, Grace and Hero, all went to good homes. Hero was adopted 3 weeks ago.

The shy boy was finally adopted after 2 years since bailing him out from AVA. His mummy is a housewife so Hero received 24/7 of love and attention:).

Lastly, the ever best thing that happened in my life, not only this year but my whole life was I finally experienced “emptiness”.

2 weeks ago, I was reading the Vimalakirti sutra, I spent 2 hrs reading only 25 pages of it cos I need to contemplate on the verses as well as to visualise what Vimalakirti was trying to teach. After 2 hours of contemplating and visualisation,  I was finally tired and sleepy. It was after midnight at that time. Even after I closed my eyes, the contemplation and visualisation still carried on… and it still did until I was drifted into the cosmo.

The feeling I had in the cosmo was… woah…the space was vast, boundless, nothing tied on to me, it was like I was using 100% of my brain.

I woke up in the middle of it. I sat up and kept thinking to myself, was that emptiness which I had just experience? Intellectually and conceptually I have understood what emptiness is, however, it is not enough. I need affirmation…from who, from where, I don’t know… I have been seeking… Until one day I told myself to let go of all the seeking cos all the seeking or finding would blind me from realising emptiness. Even when I meditate, I didn’t have that type of “sensation”.

I looked at my cats and I looked at the tree outside my windows thinking and contemplating. Yes, we are not only trapped in samsara but we are also trapped in this body. Compared to the feeling I had when I was drifted into the cosmo, there is no freedom here at all in samsara. Next, attachment. The attachments and afflictions we had, tied us all down here in samsara. I didn’t know the attachments and afflictions I have are so strong. I felt what filled in this empty body of mine are attachments and afflictions and nothing else…it further confirmed that this body is not real. It is just an appearance of our attachments and affliction.

No, it was not enough to prove the emptiness that I had experienced. Suddenly, Ven. Chodron’s teaching hit my mind. The 2nd verse of the 41 Prayers of Cultivation of Bodhicitta says “May all beings attain the dimension of realisation of a Buddha”. It hit me straight in my head.

Yes, that was emptiness! I was so happy but it is only the beginning. I need to carry on practising. I didn’t experience it again but I will carry on practising. Emptiness plays a very important part in my practice cos it is the only way to liberate myself and others from samsara.

Cool and rainy weather and it smells like December and Christmas again… Nothing particularly special this year. It’s just another day!:)

On the eve of Christmas yesterday, Mel and I went to old Chao Chu Kang Road to pass the dog food to the feeder. The stray dog that I saw a week ago, we decided to name her Bodhi. Guess Bodhi remembers me. She came to me when I got out of my vehicle. I was happy to be able to feed her again. I prepared a bowl of white rice for her to mix with the canned food and I also bought her kibbles. She ate everything and asked for more:). So I gave her another round of kibbles. Since she is still nursing, the kibbles I bought for her is for puppies. I have started a budget and all I can give is Nature Pro dry food. For the canned ones, I bought “really pet food, special dog, nature’s gift and divine dog”. I have checked the website and all these brands do not fall under the worst dog food category. 

Since there are more than 90 cats to feed every day, I have come up with a budget. I can’t do it alone of course, my home cats, we, have to work it out together. How? Instead of having cooked fish and chicken every day, now I cook on alternate days. And on the day when they are not eating cooked food, they will have one big can of fussie cat. They usually eat small cans and many cans.

I feed the community cats Royal Canin outdoor fit 32 and it costs $80 per pack. Due to the saltiness of the dry food, I have decided to change to indoor instead and it is less salty. I knew it because I tasted them myself. But the indoor is $15 more expensive than the outdoor one. So my home cats have to cut down on the amount and share with the community cats. Well, I can see that they have no problem with it:). They love to share!:) And all home and community cats cannot have more than 5 small cans of wet food everyday. In this way, we are able to cut down our monthly expenses from 2.1k per month to 1.7k per month. I am still monitoring. With Bodhi, I will set my monthly budget of not more than $150 per mth. 

Mel and the feeder said Bodhi has put on weight and they cannot see her ribs but I really didn’t see any difference in Bodhi except that she has stopped limping and her wound on her right front leg is healed.:)

That was me(Mel knows I don’t like to take pictures so she had to take my back instead) and another 2 dogs. They are skinny just like Bodhi. I fed them… $150 per mth? I guess it is unlikely but will still work on a budget. Meantime, I am still seeking the animal welfare group for help. 

The food may not be a top brand but all of them got to eat this Christmas:). May all the strays at every corner have plentiful of food and water to eat and may all human beings be filled with Bodhicitta.

When I was driving out from Nirvana Memorial Garden’s driveway last Sunday, I saw a hungry and injured stray dog rummaging for food. She was limping and thin. Her ribs are protruded and I believe she has just given birth. I quickly pulled over my car and fed her all I have in my car. She finished ten small canned of wet food and that was quite a lot to me. And I was left with nothing but cat dry food. I left her quite a lot of dry food and water and hope that it can keep her fill up for the night till I come again the next day. 

I asked help from the dog rescuer and see of there is any feeder nearby who can feed her. As usual, no one gives a damn. And this is the second time I asked SOSD for help. SOSD shows some improvement this time. They did not reply!:) The last time when I asked them for help, at least they make an effort to attempt to put the dog, Blessed to sleep. But this time round… 

When I look at her, I see a black African, not a dog. A malnutrition black woman, very thin and always hungry at the other end of the world, trying very hard to keep herself and her children survive. That’s what I see… And I don’t see any difference between this dog and people who live in hunger! 

I told myself I have to help this dog just like I have helped Blessed. 

I went again last night. I guess I was late and I couldn’t find her. I drove the whole stretch of old Choa Chu Kang Road but I couldn’t find her..There are roads that are too eerie to drive through as there are cementry everywhere.

There was nothing much I can do but to leave her food and water at the same spot where I fed her. Hoping she would pass by and have a decent meal. I was quite lucky though. I saw a foreigner from a distance and I quickly ran towards him and see if he sees the dog. Showed him the photos and yes, he saw the dog once in a while. Meaning, the dog loiter around the area. Another chinese nationale came forward and he too saw the dog quite often. I am so glad that this chinese man agreed to help feed the dog. I left him with only a day’s meal for the dog but will bring him more tomorrow. 

I don’t think this is going to be a long time solution because there is no reason why someone should help me. What I am going to do is to find her puppies. Next, I have to seek for advise on what to do if the puppies are found. Hope some dog organisations can take in the puppies and rehome them and the mummies are always being kick away. I hope it will turn out to be this way so that I can beg for only one space for the mummy dog in a shelter. I remember there is this very nice lady who runs a shelter. She wanted to keep Blessed the other time without asking much in return. I shall approach her. The most important thing right now is for the dog to know where is her regular feeding area which I have started last Sunday. The chinese man will check on the food tomorrow morning and see if she eats it or not. We have to do it bit by bit and step by step. This time round, I want everybody to be happy. No more angry May! 

Mel and I attended Ven. Chodron’s teachings last week. The teachings were valuable to me. We have always watch her on YouTube and finally, we got to receive her instructions in person.

There were many realisations which I gained during the teachings. Below are the notes that I had taken down for myself to practise everyday .

1. How we live is how we die.

I completely agree with this statement. If I live in fear all my life, I would die in fear and if I am angry all my life, I would die in anger…

Mel’s father was in the hospital two weeks ago. Her father was constantly in fear when he did not see familiar faces. It reminded me of my younger years whereby I cried all the time when I didn’t see my aunt’s face. I understand the fear and I do not like it… Therefore , I made a vow to end it. I will not allow myself to carry such defilement with me to my grave.

2. Humans are emotional needy.

Ven. Chodron tells the ugly side of me and at the same time gives advice on how we could seek happiness.

I have been feeding the cats for a few years and somehow I do feel that I am not being appreciated. And so this is the problem! Why do I need someone to appreciate me? Ven. Chodron advised that if we ever feel emotionally needy, go find someone to say thank you instead. We must learn to appreciate others instead of concentrating on ourselves , the big ‘I’ or ‘me’. I rejoiced immediately when I got to answer to my problem that day:).

3.Once karma is ripened, we cannot do anything about it. And if it has not yet ripen, we can do something to purify our negative karma.

I remember reading a text from Buddha Shakyamuni’s teaching and it goes something like this… He said that if a spoon of salt is mixed in a glass of water, it will be salty. But if it is mixed in a river, u may not taste the salt.

The salt is our negative karma and the glass of water and river are our deeds or merits.

I always remember this.

4. Humans are ignorant.

Ven. Chodron describes human ignorance is like when cows or chickens or other animals are sent to the slaughter house or abattoir for slaughter, they have no control over it and they do not have any choice. And when human faces death, humans freaked out cos they too do not have any choice or control over it if they do not prepare for their future lives.

When we die, only our karma comes with us and nothing else.

5. There are three types of laziness.

First – Humans are so free and not doing anything. Such people are lazy.

Second – Humans are so busy doing everything except practising the Dharma.

Third – Humans find excuses for themselves, saying that Dharma is so hard and difficult to practise and they will never master it.

6. If we practise the Dharma well, we will have no fear when we die.

Yes, I have pledged to donate my organs when I die and even the buddhist leaders advise us not to do that and if we donate our organs, we will have an unfavourable rebirth or fall into the lower realms because cutting our organs out immediately after death would cause us pain and eventually lead us to become angry and thus fall into lower realm.

However, Mel and I have no fear about this. For me, if unfortunately I were to fall into a lower realm and have an unfavourable rebirth, I have only myself to blame, simply because I did not practise well enough. However, if my organ/s is/are useful and successfully transplanted to someone who need it, I will save at least a human’s life.

7. Enlightenment

When asked how enlightenment is like? Ven. Chodron asked us to imagine a place without anger.

Through my understanding, enlightenment is the inner light of wisdom that is permanently free from all mistaken appearance, and whose function is to bestow mental peace upon each and every living being every day.

I vow to end anger.

There is so much more to share… and whenever I have a realisation, it is like I have only just practised yesterday.

After attending the teachings, I tend to realise and apply things very quickly and immediately. It is like why Buddha says this and that….and the next second, I am like…oh..I got it!

An intelligent and wise spiritual teacher is hard to find and extremely rare.

Yes, may Ven. Chodron have a long life and keep turning the Dharma wheel and teach us life after life till samsara ceases:).