Cats who teach me to fly…

Dear Chanel,

What happened was unexpected! I felt all guilty for not dragging you to the hospital or finding you. I should have asked you more questions. Did you visit the doctor? What’s wrong with you? Did you know Hearty is with me? NO, I didn’t say anything but just simply ask you to take care of yourself. I thought your sons were looking after you and I should not be at all worried about you. Your sons could ask for help, even dialing a 999 or 995 wouldn’t be difficult. And that was what I had assumed. I was all wrong…

I kept looking up your unit. Wondering where were you, what were you doing and why didn’t you come to us. My ego stopped me for going to you. My ego stopped me from questioning you. And this sure has a price to pay.

The minute I heard that you have passed on, I froze. I find it hard to accept. I wish your son was joking and I still couldn’t believe… I was angry at the same time. Didn’t we ask you to visit the doctor? Didn’t I tell you what happened to my mum? Didn’t I tell you not to take your sickness lightly and quickly go to the hospital? Didn’t Mel tell you to go to the doctor every time she sees you? You never listened…

Still… I would like to apologize to you. So sorry… I should have pressed you further. I should have gone to look for you when you disappeared for two weeks which was not like you. I thought you were at your friend’s place like you once did… My assumption kills!

There is no way I can go back to where we left. All I can assure you is your cats will be well taken care of by Melanie. The other 3 cats will go back to their owner. Hearty is old and is safe with me. I knew you love him. AVS visited the cats hoarders few days ago, we made it! Mel and I will be taking over the cats and is still in the mist of doing it. The conditions of the cats are terrible. I have taken the weak ones and building them up before doing all the rehoming. The rest are the strong boys which are still with the owner. These boys will be sterilize on Tuesday and to where they will be going, I have not come to a conclusion yet. I know pretty well upon hearing all these, you would have a lot to say. Non stop blah blah blah… Your children are taken care by your sister for now. I have no idea what will happen next and I guess it is not for me or us to interfere.

Thank you for helping me to feed the cats, find the cats and foster the cats. You are always ready to help. Always standing by 24/7, unless you were sleeping or sick. As far as I know, you saved 4 lives. Your cheerful and happy deposition always brightened my evening. We never stopped laughing whenever we were together. No matter how bad you were and how terrible I was, we never stopped helping each other. Gradually and unknowingly we became good friends. I was happy when you told me you are not going back to your “old” life. Your life got better… Everything looks bright… Sadly, there is no “if only”…

The last thing you did was to volunteer yourself in the Buddhist temple. I was so happy upon hearing it. Finally, you planted a little seed with the three jewels. No matter how tired you were, you never stop helping the temple, helping others.

Finally, I cherish and appreciate our times together. What happened was unexpected and painful and I am not going to blame myself anymore. Your kindness will always remain in my heart. After I end this letter, I shall not keep thinking of you and that doesn’t mean that I am forgetting you. There is no way to forget someone when someone means something to you. I just can’t let the pain go on.

Whatever merits that I create everyday will be dedicated to you!

Aunt May

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Hearty was walking strangely 3 nights ago. His footsteps were small, careful and painful. There wasn’t any wound and no signs of fractured or broken bones. I guess it could be arthritis. After his meal, I walked him back to his usual resting place. It wasn’t safe for him to walk at the carpark. I walked away after he was safe at his resting area.

I was thinking whether I should bring him home as it was dangerous to walk around with such a condition right now.

Hearty was abandoned. His owner left him and moved to another place. That was 11 years ago. How old was Hearty 11 years ago, nobody knows but we believe he is pretty old now. 11 years of living as a stray is tough and a very very long time. I told myself, it’s time, it’s time to bring him home.

He settled down immediately when he was home. Sleep a lot. I guess he must be very tired from roaming on the street his whole life.

Vet said he loses his muscles mass. The x-ray shows no sign of broken bones and prescribed pain killer for him.

It has been 3 days and 3 nights and still he is sleeping. He must be very tired. Tired of the noisy street. Tired of hiding from rain and strong sun. Tired of waiting for his meals. Tired of children chasing after him. Tired of adults shooing him away…

Yes, it’s time!

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Po was rescued with urinary tract infection 5 years ago. He was lying on the ground flat for 3 days until we came. We were glad that no further damage was done to his major organs.

Po had been a good boy. Fat and round just like Po! As he was FeLV positive, he had a room with another 2 cats and at least 3 big scratching posts, plentiful of food and clean water.

He was really all cute! Love rolling on the floor and a big belly as well. The biggest cat in the room and second biggest in the house after Cashie.

We don’t know how old is Po but I have always hope all can live happily to at least 15 years old.

Like the rest, he left his paw prints deep in my heart.

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I thought I have a little time, so I drop by at Jingsi… decided to do nothing but 静思。

It’s drizzling outside. The sky is getting dark.

I am having a glass of cold drink today. The donation can is for me to bring it home, drop some loose coins and bring it back to Jingsi when it’s full. Its for Tzu Chi Foundation.

Master ChengYen is the most successful nun in this era. She walks the Bodhisattva path and inspired others to do so. How much I wish there is one like her who can contribute whole heartedly to both animals and the Dharma…

What does my fortune cookies say?

Monks and nuns always teach that everything is just a perception, they are fabrication, they do not exist. I am pretty tired hearing that. Not that I do not understand, I do and I am facing and managing the non-existence idea everyday.

I am glad that I am able to help send 3 female cats for sterilisation this morning. I am glad that I am still contributing everyday.

It’s time to feed the strays…

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2 years ago, a new 5 storeys building was built at Kong Meng San. The new building is meant for meditation. The halls are conducive. Lightings are good. Excellent ambience. Due to the Covid19 measures, we were unable to visit the new building. And only lately, the halls are opened and meditation classes resumed.

I am there at least twice weekly for meditation. The first night when I saw Avalokiteshivara, I wish I could live there. I wish KMS can organise a stay-in retreat. I wish the library can be opened soon. I began to wish this and that… I think such desires aren’t so bad afterall! I even wish I can live a stone thrown away from KMS.

A meditation class was given last Monday at the Medicine Buddha Hall. The meditation was guided by Ven. Chuan Hang. Ven. Chuan Hang was sincere and serious in teaching the dharma. I can see the effort he put in. There were walking and sitting meditation and dharma teachings. This is exactly what I want. Sadly, last Monday was the last class and I have requested him to continue teaching and I even write to the management. However, it looks like that won’t be any class taught by him soon as we were given a 3 months “assignment” to do:).

I attended a meditation class last night and the next one would be on Friday. I am looking forward for the full day retreat which is on 2 October. It will be conducted in mandarin. Anyway, the retreat is all about 正念(right mindfulness).

KMS benefited many of us and I have started to repay them by making donations regularly.

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