I attended Ajahn Viradhammo’s two-day stay-out retreat last Monday and Tuesday at Kong Meng Shan. In the past, I was always filled with enthusiasm and made sure to be punctual for every talk. Even after sleeping late, I would wake early to prepare for the day and stay punctual.
Lately, however, things seem to have cooled down. I have stopped “chasing” the Dhamma. Due to my current circumstances, I am only able to attend the afternoon sessions. I no longer find myself laughing at the questions raised by the attendees, nor do I concern myself with whether the answers given are correct or appropriate. All I want to do is sit and meditate.
Kong Meng Shan is the only place that allows me to join the talks at a later time. Other venues do not, and I am at peace with that.
There is another talk by Ajahn Sucitto next Monday at the same location, and I plan to attend. I love meditation. Immediately after lunch, I returned to the hall to meditate. I am not afraid of drowsiness. In fact, one of the fastest ways to train the mind is through a drowsy mind.
My time spent on suttas and meditation has decreased, but the Dhamma now lives within me. Everything is cooling down naturally, without effort.
Life goes on, and I am living much like everyone else. The difference is that there is more restraint, the mind is stiller, and my time is spent in a meaningful way.
Cats who teach me to fly... 