Cats who teach me to fly…

Dear Chanel,

What happened was unexpected! I felt all guilty for not dragging you to the hospital or finding you. I should have asked you more questions. Did you visit the doctor? What’s wrong with you? Did you know Hearty is with me? NO, I didn’t say anything but just simply ask you to take care of yourself. I thought your sons were looking after you and I should not be at all worried about you. Your sons could ask for help, even dialing a 999 or 995 wouldn’t be difficult. And that was what I had assumed. I was all wrong…

I kept looking up your unit. Wondering where were you, what were you doing and why didn’t you come to us. My ego stopped me for going to you. My ego stopped me from questioning you. And this sure has a price to pay.

The minute I heard that you have passed on, I froze. I find it hard to accept. I wish your son was joking and I still couldn’t believe… I was angry at the same time. Didn’t we ask you to visit the doctor? Didn’t I tell you what happened to my mum? Didn’t I tell you not to take your sickness lightly and quickly go to the hospital? Didn’t Mel tell you to go to the doctor every time she sees you? You never listened…

Still… I would like to apologize to you. So sorry… I should have pressed you further. I should have gone to look for you when you disappeared for two weeks which was not like you. I thought you were at your friend’s place like you once did… My assumption kills!

There is no way I can go back to where we left. All I can assure you is your cats will be well taken care of by Melanie. The other 3 cats will go back to their owner. Hearty is old and is safe with me. I knew you love him. AVS visited the cats hoarders few days ago, we made it! Mel and I will be taking over the cats and is still in the mist of doing it. The conditions of the cats are terrible. I have taken the weak ones and building them up before doing all the rehoming. The rest are the strong boys which are still with the owner. These boys will be sterilize on Tuesday and to where they will be going, I have not come to a conclusion yet. I know pretty well upon hearing all these, you would have a lot to say. Non stop blah blah blah… Your children are taken care by your sister for now. I have no idea what will happen next and I guess it is not for me or us to interfere.

Thank you for helping me to feed the cats, find the cats and foster the cats. You are always ready to help. Always standing by 24/7, unless you were sleeping or sick. As far as I know, you saved 4 lives. Your cheerful and happy deposition always brightened my evening. We never stopped laughing whenever we were together. No matter how bad you were and how terrible I was, we never stopped helping each other. Gradually and unknowingly we became good friends. I was happy when you told me you are not going back to your “old” life. Your life got better… Everything looks bright… Sadly, there is no “if only”…

The last thing you did was to volunteer yourself in the Buddhist temple. I was so happy upon hearing it. Finally, you planted a little seed with the three jewels. No matter how tired you were, you never stop helping the temple, helping others.

Finally, I cherish and appreciate our times together. What happened was unexpected and painful and I am not going to blame myself anymore. Your kindness will always remain in my heart. After I end this letter, I shall not keep thinking of you and that doesn’t mean that I am forgetting you. There is no way to forget someone when someone means something to you. I just can’t let the pain go on.

Whatever merits that I create everyday will be dedicated to you!

Aunt May